I started this Bible study knowing that I’m stressed out, anxious and exhausted… I actually thought it was because I couldn’t control the things in my world and I needed help to find a way to better control that chaos using God’s strength! I can already see that God is leading me a different direction than I ever thought.
I’ll be honest, I’m blessed. Oh, I have struggles – finances, occational health issue (celiac) or food allergies for kiddo, economy may impact my job… that is just part of living in this unperfect world… but much of this isn’t in my control. Most of us, if we are reading this blog, are probably pretty blessed, too. We probably a warm home, electricity, maybe a phone we are able to view this on or a personal computer… just having the warm home, electricity and a computer makes us wealthy (in the measures of this world) compared to so many others who struggle for just basic necessities. So if I’m so blessed, why am I so stressed out, anxious and exhausted? I think it is coming down to a few common themes… I’m trying to control things I shouldn’t, do things I don’t need to do, and not allowing Christ to live through me but working only on my own energy.
So, am I a control freak? Hmm… well, in taking the little quiz at the end of chapter 1 I found my “control quotient” told me I was a 40 – bordering on being manipulative… and that I may have certain areas in my life where you pull out the stops to get my way… if I had one more point, then I would have qualified for Control-Freak alert! LOL! Okay, maybe I am trying to control things a little too much! But why?
Karen Ehman said she too dealt with this and her reasons (page 22) she found true in her life: 1) wanted to feel indispensable & 2) wanted to get own way.
Ouch. How many times do I get tickled when someone tells me, “I don’t know how ‘you’ do it all”, or “You have such control over everything in your life”… totally feeds my ego, but it SO ISN’T TRUE! I like that “looks perfect” feeling to the outside world, but in realityt I’m stressed out, anxious and exhausted. I can’t control most of my life, my kids, my husband, my co-workers… Many times I can’t even control my own mouth – I need a warning lable that says, “Caution, mouth works faster than brain!” Sigh…
It is time to get rid of that facade. No more “super woman cape” for me… so where am I going to go if I can’t control my world? Guess, I need to go to the one that created the world in the first place!
In the study, “The Life” by Bill and Anabel Gragram, he points out that the Bible states 10 times more often that we are to live “in Christ” than it says that “Christ lives in us”. However, we all focus on the fact that Christ is in us as Christians. As a little child, my son knows that Jesus is in his heart… but that isn’t the whole story. If the Bible states that we are then to “Live in Christ” 10 times more times than that “Jesus is in us”, shouldn’t we be doing it? Do I? What is it to live in Christ?
Guess that is for more exploration to come. 🙂 However, I’m feeling that a good piece of this is doing what God tells me to do, nothing more, then letting God do the rest.
So, hand I’m going to start handing it over… I think God is leading me to just surrender to Him – total surrender. Surrender the pains, disappointments, the hurts… surrender the expecations, my desires, my control… all of it to Him. Allow Him to heal, mend, and grow me… and to get out of the way so He can work on others, too. Yeah, I try to do His work – my way sometimes. 🙂 Totally surrender to Him, His ways, His desires… will you?